Early Termination, and why I did it.

So I ETed (early terminated) from Peace Corps Madagascar. It's been almost a week since I've been home in Portland, Oregon. And I wanted to write this update for those people that do not know why I decided to leave the Peace Corps.

A PCV!

So I got to Madagascar on June 11, and was ready to just take it one day and time and learn about this strange culture that I hadn't ever thought about until I got my invitation to serve. Everything started out pretty good, I was learning the language, got along well with my host family and my stage, and was doing well with the training. And I do not know what exactly happened, but I just started to feel like I did not belong there, and was getting increasingly unhappy as each day passed. Every time I talked to my family or friends in the states, my tone and excitement got a little less, well, excited. And people have asked why I wasn't happy in Peace Corps Madagascar, and I can't pinpoint it exactly. I just know that it felt wrong. I talked to some friends in my stage about a week before we were to swear in as Volunteers, and they advised me to stick it out as long as I could, because it could change. So I did. I went to swearing in, and I swore in as Peace Corps Volunteer. But I still felt like it was the wrong place for me. 
After swearing in, everybody in my stage started the long process of installing at our permanent sites, including myself. I was part of the East region, so I went with 2 other new PCVs and our installers to the coastal town of Mahanoro. 

Mahanoro

We arrived on Sunday night, spent a couple of days installing the PCV there, and then departed on Tuesday morning for the huge city of Tamatave. 

Port of Tamatave

That is where myself and the PCV from my stage that would be living the closest to me did all of our shopping for our new houses. I bought a bed, a fan, a bookshelf, and a chair. As well as dishes, and buckets, and things like that. We spent 2 days in Tamatave shopping and eating kabobs on the beach, and then left on

 Thursday morning for coastal Fenerive Est, which was to be our banking town because our permanent sites did not have banks. After we got to Fenerive, we partially installed the other PCV into her site about 30 minutes from the banking town, and then stayed the night in Fenerive, to finishing installing her on Friday morning. Friday afternoon is when we made the almost 2 hour drive inland to what was to be my permanent site, Vavatenina. And the closer and closer we got to Vavatenina, the more I wished I was on a plane back to United States. 

View from my house

So I still did not feel right being in Madagascar, despite the whole week of traveling I did around the East coast, installing the new PCVs. But I am not one to tell people how I am feeling, so all through the courtesy visits around town with the police, mayor, gendarmarie (military), and high school principal, I kept a smile permanently in place on my face. I did not tell anybody that I was still feeling like I wanted to go home, and then the Peace Corps car drove away from my home in Vavatenina, leaving me behind. And honestly, I couldn't handle it. I broke down, and was crying so hard that I could barely text my director asking her if she had time to talk to me. 

Pretty much what all of Vavatenina looked like

I spent 2 nights in my house in Vavatenina. 
I walked around the town, seeing where the market is, and met a couple people that lived near me. And then I talked with my director about how I was feeling. We decided together that I should go home, because I just was not happy. It wasn't fair to my community to have an English teacher that did not want to be there, and it wasn't fair to me to stay somewhere that wasn't making me happy. So she made some phone calls, and the next day I was back in the Peace Corps car on my way to Antananarivo to begin the process of going home. 

Everybody was so understanding about why I needed to ET, and was so helpful in the process. I know that ETing kind of has a stigma for being 'weak' or whatever, but I am so proud of myself for doing something for ME, especially because it was affecting my mental health. And I am so, so thankful that I did not get a lot of upset people, because it definitely would have been an awkward situation to be in.  I got to Antananarivo on Monday the 8th of September, and was on a plane home on Wednesday the 10th. I landed in Portland on the 11th. Needless to say, Peace Corps is SUPER quick in the process if you are ETing.

Honestly, it was the right decision for me. I am much happier now, and I've learned quite a lot about myself that I could have only done with the help of being in Madagascar with the Peace Corps. I will never forget that beautiful country, maybe one day I'll find myself there again.

So this is the last post for this blog, because I am not in the Peace Corps anymore. Someone told me that although I ended my service early, I am still an RPCV, because I am in fact, a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. That made me smile, and made me happy to be apart of the beautiful family that is Peace Corps, even if it was only for 3 1/2 short months. 

-Elena